The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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