My first STD was from a foam party
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude i'm inner monologue high
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
