haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
