i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
