Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
