I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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