After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
