he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need a burrito and a hug.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
