Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
