i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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