Swine flu is the new snow day.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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