last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
