smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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