Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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