My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
