Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
