She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
