Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
