do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
