so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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