I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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