you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
