two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
