I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
