I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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