"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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