it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
