where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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