Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
