ya dads aren't the best wingmen
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
