totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
