this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
