We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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