playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
