i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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