I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
