2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize