I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
