May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
