I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
