1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like abortions should bother me more
that's an acceptable place to lick
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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