Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
