you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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