I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Randomize
