You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
