He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
