Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
