I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
