cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Randomize
