the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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