taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
