Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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