I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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