It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
