pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we're making bets on your personal life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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