Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
